My brother moved in with us back in October as he recently graduated college and moved to the city I live in for better job opportunities. I work a 2nd job on the weekends early in mornings.
Yesterday afternoon we went out for a bite to eat and a couple beers. We got home and the drinking continued. I didn’t drink too much because I had to get up at 4AM to go to work. I was in bed by 930. When I left for work, they were still up chatting and listening to music. When I got home around 230 today, they were both passed out on the couch. I didn’t want to disturb them so I headed upstairs. I’d been up here for about an hour. I was kinda bored and feeling a little frisky so I started watching videos with the volume on my phone as low as it could go. All of a sudden I hear moaning from downstairs.
My first reaction was, ” i left my bluetooth on.” I quickly paused what was playing but the sounds didn’t stop. I hear moans and slurping, a small caugh here and there. I slowly crawled on all 4’s to the stairs in an attempt to not make the floor boards creak. I got to stairs and just layed there and listened until it was over. It’s been about an hour and a half now and the house is silent. I assume they fell asleep again. I haven’t gone downstairs yet.
I don’t know how to feel. We’ve both made mistakes. We went on a cruise back in November and I drunkenly hooked up with a guy on the ship. I never told him this happened.. Honestly, I’m not very mad that he blew another guy. I just dont know how to feel that that guy was my brother. And that guy lives with us. Was this the first time? How long has this been going on? Do I need to ask him to move out? Are we okay with casual hookups now? Are we just not satisfied with each other and we need to split? Jesus. What the fuck is my life, even? I guess this is karma.
My brother was in the kitchen grabbing a drink. I asked him how he was feeling. He just replied with a grunt. I asked what time they finally got to bed. He said, “uhhh I think… I don’t know.” and then walked to his room. My husband is laying on the couch attempting to sleep.. I’m just sitting next to him now typing this.. I just don’t know what to do yet.
I’m spineless. I’ve had pretty intense anxiety my whole life. Most of my life I was quite overweight. While I’ve lost the weight, my body issues haven’t gone away. I’m still the pathetic, meek person I’ve always been. I met my husband when I was 20 (I’m now 28). He was my first boyfriend. He’s the only man I’ve ever been in a relationship with. When we met, he was REALLY into me. I’d never experienced that before. It was really nice. Since the beginning of the relationship though, I just let him steer where we were headed. I didn’t really know any better. 6 months in and my roommates were moving out. He assumed he’d move in. I was mostly fine with this. Fast forward 2 years and I wake up one morning with a ring on my finger and him saying “will you marry me?” I wasn’t ready for that. My pitiful self couldn’t muster up the courage to even have the slightest confrontation. I said, “okay.” A couple months later, without my knowing, he tells me he contacted the lawyer in a neighboring state that was suing that state for marriage equality and who was also preparing a suit for our state as well. He wanted us to participate in this suit. Again, I didn’t know how to say no because I was scared. I really did/do love him but everything seemed to be happening so quickly. I was so young, I didn’t feel like an adult yet. But, alas, now we were a couple suing the state for the right to marry. Once marriage equality came, there really was no going back. How could I be someone suing the state for the right to marry but then not get married once it happened? 2 months after marriage equality, we were married. While the suit is happening, he tells me he wants to buy a house. I was tired of apartment living so, I agreed. Years go by and my anxiety of our relationship grows and grows. How do I know that this is what I want? I never experienced anything else. I was so tired of feeling like shit (still having crazy body issues). So, I lost about 115 pounds. I felt a bit better about myself but obviously, that didn’t fix the issue. Sex was very lack luster and I was angry that I put in all that work and he didn’t seem to appreciate it. Fast forward a year or two and we are on the cruise ship. I’ve never had a guy openly hit on me – especially one I found so attractive. It was so exciting. It made me feel so good. So, I just went for it.
I DO love my husband. He is a great guy even though his bedroom skills aren’t the best. How could I not love someone I’ve spent so much time and had so many experiences with? Basically my entire adult life has been with him and I know we’ve helped each other grow.
We have comfortable life, we rarely fight, we can pay our bills and we have three adorable kitties. While the question does always nag at me, life is good. I have what so many guys in our community want. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.