I’m going to start by saying that I’m still in shock, my head is all over the place, so I’m sorry if I don’t make any sense.
Background, I’ve been seeing him since April. He made it official this week, but we were very much in love before we put labels on it, or so I thought. I had never met another human that I thought so highly of. Genuinely the perfect guy.
I walked into a bar with my friend last night and I immediately had this horrible feeling that he was there with another girl. I can’t explain it. When I got to the bar I turned round and there he was, across from another girl. I thought they were friends, but then he leaned across the table and kissed her very passionately. I just stared at him, and when he pulled away we made eye contact. He whispered something to her then he got up and walked out. I followed him out and very calmly asked him if I could get my shoes from his flat which I had left there that morning, I woke up in his bed yesterday morning. He didn’t seem to be feeling an ounce of guilt, but the way he was talking made me feel like he thought I’d get over it. He said he’d been hanging out with that girl for 20 minutes. He got angry at me but I kept myself completely level headed. He walked away, and I was going to leave it, but I could tell he was lying to me.
I walked to his apartment, waited on the street outside, and a few minutes later he appeared with the girl. I wasn’t trying to ambush him or anything, I just wanted to ask him for my shoes, because the thought of going back for them in a few days was too much, I just wanted my favorite shoes back and then I wanted him out of my life for ever.
He blew up on me. He was so mean. I’ve never heard anyone be as mean to anyone as he was to me. Then he was horrible to my friend. Then he hit me on the back, pushed me, picked me up and threw me against a big wooden post. After a while of him screaming at me, I decided to drop it. He wasn’t going to give me the shoes. I accepted it and walked away.
While I was walking I called the police non emergency number to report the assault. And as I was hanging up, he came screaming after me. He brought my shoes, threw them onto the road, and walked away. My friend was a couple of streets down waiting for the police. She was with them when I got there, and I gave a statement. Now would be a good time to say – I ate two pizzas last night, and had one glass of wine and two vodka and lemonades over a space of five hours. I was not drunk, I don’t even think I’d class myself as being tipsy. He was very drunk, slurring his words. I gave my statement, my friend gave one that matched exactly, the law here meant that they had all the evidence they needed to arrest him, but I also played them a recording of some of the things he said to me to show how cruel he was being.
I was told that if I wanted them to arrest him then he’d be held in a cell until Monday or Tuesday, then taken to court. Don’t ask me why, but I couldn’t bring myself to have him arrested. The police went to his place to caution him and let him know that he was very close to being in a cell for a few days. He tried to call me, and sent some angry texts, and then I blocked his number and all social media.
My friend and I had some drinks, I stayed with her, I cried a LOT. Today I got a text from him on the one app I forgot to block him on, saying that the police told him he could file a harassment charge against me. The thing is, the police were very much on my side and very understanding and sympathetic. At no point did I block him from moving, touch him, step onto his property. I stood on the street. I never once raised my voice or said anything mean to him. I don’t know why he wouldn’t have threatened me with harassment charges last night. It’s all just making me think he thought of it himself this morning and is using it to threaten me. Does he have grounds to have me arrested? I have no idea. I don’t think he does. I didn’t do anything wrong as far as I’m aware. He also said something about me wasting police time, but I asked the officers I spoke to if that’s what I was doing, because I decided against arresting him. They assured me I wasn’t.
The girl, by the way, I was being very friendly to her. It’s not her fault. I asked how long she’s known him, she told me two weeks. She lives a fair distance from the city this took place in, she was staying at his place last night. She had nowhere else to go. I offered to pay the ridiculous price for the taxi, she declined. She was trying to make him just get my shoes but he wouldn’t listen to any of us.
So now I’m here. Completely paralysed by shock. I feel so sick. I can’t eat anything, my stomach won’t hold it. I have no more tears left to cry, I feel so empty. I’m so fucking traumatised. Every single man I see, I panic and think it’s him. I keep seeing guys that look like him and having panic attacks every time. I’m not really sure how to move past this. It’s like a feeling that I’ll never be ok again. I know that I will be, but I think it’ll take a long time. I don’t know what to do about my fear of men.
I’ve been verbally abused before. I’ve been cheated on before. I’ve been physically abused before. I’ve never had someone do all three at the same time, and the fact that it came from someone I adored that much is crushing me. I’m very very lucky to have an incredible support system, my friends are truly the best.
Now I need to get STD checks and a pregnancy test. I’m dreading that.
And part of me wants to much to tell the police to arrest him, but another part of me doesn’t want to ruin his life. That sounds crazy.
I absolutely, 100%, would NEVER consider getting back with him, even if all he did was cheat, I would never, but the fact he was being so hateful towards me while trying to keep her… why her? Why not me? Why is he fighting for her and not me? I’ve been trying so hard to be perfect for him, be exactly what he wants, and I don’t know why I’m not good enough.
I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is. I just needed to vent, and maybe hear from some other woman who may have experienced something similar. Sorry for the length.