I was 38 and my daughter was 18, and she was dating Jordan, who was 24. I was an alcoholic and dabbled in other drugs, mostly cocaine.
I was not a good person, let alone mother. Not like I was abusive to my daughter or anything but I was generally inattentive and cared more about my alcohol and drugs than her, especially in her teen years. I am 14 years sober now.
I disproved of my daughter dating Jordan, but I never told her why. He would flirt with me, constantly, and the age difference also creeped me out. Also, he was an alcoholic and drug user, just like me. She broke up with him over his alcoholism.
Soon after she moved away, not too far but regardless she didn’t live with me anymore. Jordan kept calling me and asking if we wanted to get drinks, I turned him down, but then one day he said he had a bunch of coke and I couldn’t resist. He came over, we did the coke, and we ended up sleeping together.
He was a very good looking guy.
For the next few months, maybe like 3-4 months, he would sometimes come over and we would sleep together and do drugs and get drunk together. Any drug addict knows what that is like to have a drug addict buddy in that way.
Then I got pregnant. I knew it was by him, we didn’t use condoms a few times stupidly. I never told him I was pregnant, and I went and got the abortion and kept it a secret.
Anyways, I stopped seeing him after that, it was too weird. I also got sober, for like 4 months, before relapsing. Fast forward 2 years and my daughter contacts me and tells me that she got back with Jordan and that he is fully sober. I was mortified honestly. He was gonna tell her that we slept together, and she is going to hate me for life. They came over one day and said hi, and when my daughter was gone, Jordan told me that there is no reason to tell her about what happened. I agreed.
They have a kid together. Jordan got cancer, then beat it. I got sober. That’s basically it.
I don’t see them very often, they live in texas and I live on the east coast. But whenever I do there is always that tension between me and Jordan, its literally the first thing that comes to either of our minds, I can just tell. Not like sexual tension, like “why did we have to do that? What the fuck is wrong with us?” kind of tension.
I think about this often. Especially when I see my grandson. I always think that could have been my son if things had gone differently, but WOW what a disaster that would have been if I decided to keep that child.